I may finally be done

It may finally be the time that I move on from my relationship… For many years my relationship was a little bit physically abusive and a tad controlling… but since i loved him unconditionally I have learned to just always defend him, look the other way and just stay in the relationship eventually I even married him ( I still wonder what i was thinking with that one) .. with sticking around all those years even though I wanted to walk away has made me start to feel like i have lost out on so many opportunities with life and possibly even with another partner… Just when i started to feel like there was no hope and im doomed in my marriage things started to get better and the relationship looked like it had potential and that maybe he learned from his mistakes and was trying to change… so I was so happy that i had decided to stick with my marriage… Even though things were better there were still those moments were I was getting mentally abused not to mention that i have finally given into his dictatorship and now just do what ever he says and find myself running everything past him just to avoid issues or problems …  

Now present day and things are so so ..there are days i feel he loves me and others when i feel like he can care less … But why I think im finally done is the other day we were walking our dogs as we do every day since we go them we have 2 so we both walk a dog.. well today for some reason i lost my footing and fell down while walking the dog ( first he didnt offer to help me up ) ok i get up then hes rushing me to hurry up and keep up with him and not to blame the dog for being slow .. then hes speaking to me as if hes mocking me for falling … this really aggravated me his lack of consideration towards me and my feeling had it been me i would have asked how he was and even offered to walk the other dog as well so he could rest his ankle …  

Im kinda against divorce for a reasons first because im catholic and have gotten married in a church and just was always made to feel like god will help u work out ur problems . second my parents are still happily married 30+ yrs (eventhough they understand my situation and support me 100% in whatever decision i choose to make)  … third he says I made him get married in the first place ( eventhough I never put a gun to his head i just suggested it after 10 years of being together.. been together since high school) and that its not fair for me to make him now get divorced …  fourth and this one maybe the worst one for me to deal with if we get divorced he wants to fight me for sole custody of my dog…  not even share time as i suggested ( no kids in case u were wondering ) i planned to have a simply easy divorce.. No fighting no problems just the two of us go our seperate ways since none of us really have anything anyways to fight about …. and we have only been married for 5 years….So now im stuck with the decision on wether or not i want to sacrifice the man i love ( MY DOG) to be happier in life and start over .. or stick out what i feel is doomed marriage to keep my baby my doggy .. then to add insult to injury I think i may have found a guy that really gets me and likes me I’m just afraid to move things forward because i dont want to cheat and automatically destroy my marriage and my chance to leave with my dog ( yes he is spitful ) but I am so unsatisfied with my marriage right now .. this guy has been a friend of the both of ours for sometime now so he knows im married but also does understand my circumstances…we have always been closer then he was with my hubby.. we share phone conversations , text messages and the occasional lunch .. believe it or not those are the tiny little things that he does that makes me like him he had moved away so I thought that might be the end of it but then after a few years he moved back we hooked back up and the feelings are still there just as strong as when he left (so is it true when they say if u love something let it go and if it comes back to u its yours if it doesnt it was never meant to be yours to begin with)




 so confused what to do nowadays but #IMJERSEYSTRONG I will figure it out and rise above ……….


when u left for awhile i thought it was for good , 

when you came back it was like u never left 

my feelings for you had not gone away 

its like i found my own Christian Grey